Wow, it seems like I hit a lot of you with my comments about how perfect blogland is, with all of its perfect people and their perfect lives!
I really had cut down the blogs that I read, but I am still getting a lot of positive, improve your life type ones (Zen Habits, Nerd Fitness and Marie Forleo) come through into my inbox. I am going to do something rather radical, and cut all of those out of my inbox too. I know, shocking. But I realised that I am not giving myself a break here. None of these words are new, no one is saying anything I didn’t know, and more often than not they are trying to sell me something too – their latest coaching programme. Is it me, or is everyone selling coaching programmes now a days?
Not that there is anything wrong with that, hell I am trying to figure out how to make it part of my business, but none the less, I don’t need to be told how rubbish I am on a daily basis, complete with how to spend my money to make myself better.
If I really miss them I can add them back in.
My business (arts management) is doing really well and I have only been doing it full time for six months, since I handed in my MA. I have been working for all of that time and I am getting to the point that people are recommending me for work, which is fantastic as far as I am concerned! And it is a real pat on the back that I am doing the right thing. I really enjoy what I am doing right now, I feel like I am making full use of my business skills and know-how, while actually helping young people to get involved in the arts.
But when the latest Marie Forleo video landed in my inbox, with a chance to win a scholarship to her B-School, I thought YEAH! I should do that – create a video and submit it. And I was all ready – I had written out what I wanted to say, rehearsed it a few times and then I made the stupid mistake of watching other people’s videos and comparing myself to them. How awesome they all were and how boring I am in comparison. They were all sorted making their cool, funky videos with fade outs, fancy editing etc. Then I was thinking I am so rubbish, I have got to get onto that programme, ok it costs $1999, and I don’t have that sort of money, but I need to be on it. How can I find the money?
I really don’t have that sort of money sitting around at the moment, and if I did it would go to getting a new boiler as ours is on its last legs and we have had no heating for the last two weeks, until someone came around and managed to breathe enough life into for it to keep going a bit longer.
But I felt I had to, as I just didn’t compare. Luckily I have my wonderfully sensible and supportive husband who talked to me and explained that I have only being doing my business for 6 months and I haven’t celebrated where I am with it, I am just looking to make it Bigger, Better, Now!
Oh yeah! Also I am quite a reserved English person and not an all out there American, like most of these people were.
So, I might still make the video, as it would be great to be on her course, but only if I get a scholarship and I am going to do it my way and not look at anyone else’s videos!
But I think I will cut out all those self help emails from my inbox and continue to read those blogs which are personal stories which resonate with me, and gently inspire without making me feel like I have to upgrade myself to the new version of me, Jen 2.0, THIS MINUTE!