Leaving my cave

I wrote, quite a long time ago *cough a  year and half ago – how the hell did that happen? cough* about going out and attending moots. Well I finally managed it! Huzzah!

And guess what? It wasn’t as scary as I thought it was going to be – there were no absolute idiots, or people that made me want to run away. This has happened to me in the past and one of my friends has an excellent tale of how she met someone who was convinced that they had been abducted by an alien and had all of the secrets of the universe imparted into them.

Last month I went to the Romford Sacred Hart, which was really friendly, with nice & cheap La Tasca food (as that is where it is held). It was mainly people my age ish and I had a really nice night and I am looking forward to next week when it is on again. It was a social event that week, this month there is a talk about Goddess Spirituality, by Carrie Kirkpatrick. Her website looks a bit airy for the ultra-pragmatic me, but I will keep my mind open.

Last night I went to the Pagan Lion in Southend. Again, really lovely – held in the back room of a pub, which luckily had just had a new carpet fitted, as we were lying on the floor meditating, this was led by one of the members, who is also the Regional Co-ordinator for the area.  The meditation was optional, in case that puts you off! I started uni yesterday, which meant I was lacking in sleep (nerves and excitement resulting in 2 nights bad sleep), and so I left early, but I did enjoy myself.

It is so wonderful to talk to other Pagans, it enables you to have a conversation without having to spend so much time explaining yourself first. My Pagan friends are scattered around a bit and it requires several emails to find a diary date that we can all meet up and as we are all busy people we tend to only see each other once a quarter. Now I get to speak to Pagan people a couple of times a month.

Both are Pagan Federation moots, which is good and means I get a discount on the nights – hurrah!

So, if you are thinking about heading out into the wilds of Pagan Moots and leaving your cave then I strongly recommend that you do so! I am so glad that I did.

Pagan Federation 40th Anniversary & Conference

The week after next the PF is celebrating its 40th anniversary with a conference and event. It is going to be held in London on the 8th & 9th of October. I am really looking forward to it and attending quite a few of the lectures.

It is a three part spectacular of a conference, evening party and picnic/day event on the Sunday.

If you can get to London it is going to be an awesome day & night. The official blurb is:

In our international conference on 8th October’11, the Pagan community will be celebrating the achievements of the  past and seeking vision, energy and new inspiration for the challenges to come. We have a vision of Paganism that is a green spirituality rooted in the earth and traditions of our ancestors. This is a living, growing spirituality that is meaningful to society today and in the future. One that honors the Divine spirit within each and in nature; one that inspires us to create a society that values and cherishes the uniqueness of each living person; a spirituality of earth and heaven, of Goddess and God, of Pagan and Heathen.

Day Conference at Royal Geographical Society, London   (doors open 9.45am- 5.30pm).  Enjoy a full day of pagan art, music, lectures, workshops, stalls and exhibitions.

Lectures, Workshops & Presentations by:

Andy Pardy, Ben Judd, Caitlin Matthews, Caroline Vermeaulen, Caroline Wise, Chris Crowley, Dennis Murphy, Emma Restall-Orr, Graham Harvey, Hildegard Maier, Julian Vayne, Katie Gerrard, Marion Green, Mogg  Morgan, Morgana, Neil Geddess-Ward, Pete Jennings, Philip Carr-Gomm, Prof. Ronald Hutton, Prudence Jones, Rufus Harrington, Simon Brighton and  Dr.Vivianne Crowley.

Address:  Royal Geographical Society, 1 Kensington Gore, London SW7 2AR.

To buy your tickets go to: http://40thpaganfed.eventbrite.com/

You can find out more about the Pagan Federation here 

Great start!

Hello!

Well, so far I have had a great start to the year, my new job is going brilliantly and I have completed one of my goals!

I am very happy in  my new job, I feel like I am in the right environment for me, which makes me much more relaxed and I enjoy it more. I know it sounds silly, but wearing jeans, docs and sitting on my desk means a lot to me. I have already picked up another two hour’s worth of work and I hoping that in time that will increase. We shall have to see!

I have also managed to complete my goal of being able to run 5K without having to walk. This has made me also very happy. It has been a while (ahem, 8 years) since I have been this fit, so it is great. I am using a diary to write down all of my exercise and I am trying to follow the 10% rule of only doing 10% more mileage/time each week. This is part of my plan to try not to injure myself and I hoping that it will work.

Yesterday my Grove and I met up, which was really lovely. What was also good to hear is that the majority of the Grove is struggling to have any sort of connection as well; it made me feel a lot better to know that I wasn’t alone in my darkening and feeling abandoned by my beliefs! We had soup, tea and cake sitting out over looking the South Downs of Kent, watching the sky change colour as the sun went down. It was very relaxing and good to be talking with my friends again – we missed our Yule ritual due to the extremely bad snow in the area. I am sure many other Pagans feel like this: it is great to be amongst other Pagans, where one doesn’t have to explain anything, everyone just understands. My wonderful OH was instrumental in pushing me out of the door, ignoring my protests that I have no connection. He is right – it’s not going to get any better sat indoors!

While I was chatting with the OH, before he pushed me out of the door, he said to me that this isn’t my time of year. I didn’t know what he meant as I quite like the winter, don’t suffer from SAD, or miss the light. He laughed and said that the  year goes like this:

Spring – RRRAAAAHHHHHH, everything is growing! Pushing up new buds! Coming to life. Going crazy!!!

Summer – everything is just lying around in the sun, eating everything, getting fat, enjoying relaxing, just absorbing and chill out…

Autumn – right, quick! We need to get ready! Chuck away the leaves! Hide the nuts! Build up supplies for winter! Get ready!!!

Winter – okaaay, just sit here, in the warm, it’s cold outside, eating the supplies, nope going stay here…..

I think he is absolutely correct – I am spring and autumn! I am both of these types, I seem to run at full pelt the whole time, have loads to do and enjoy DOING THINGS! Strange how I have never thought of this – and yet he has.

So, what about you – how’s your calendar year started and what season do you think you are?

Yule and the darkening of belief

Well, just two days away from Christmas. For my other half this is a really big important family day. I have always been much more Grinch-like about Christmas, but I am finding his enthusiasm infectious. I am really glad to have some time off from being in front of a class, but I am studying like mad to be able to teach four different courses well from January.

I am making lots of music (not an euphemism!) and creating lots of things, including some presents; which I should have done a while ago to be honest.

Yule for me was…a let down to be honest. My grove didn’t get together due to the snow; more to the point the ice we have had recently. My grove meets in the middle of nowhere, down windy roads that haven’t been gritted at all and the decision was made to cancel the ritual for safety. This suited me to be honest. I am really struggling with everything Pagan at the moment, I feel like I have lost my connection and that I am drifting somewhat. I think if I was Christian I would say that I have lost my faith, but as my beliefs don’t feel like faith, but things that I feel and experience on a daily basis; I don’t think that this is right.

I am hoping it is just that I have been so caught up in trying to stifle my emotions at work that this has smothered my connection to the natural and spiritual world and nothing else. That as more and more time elapses from me and the school that this will lift and get better.

There is part of me that worries this is not the case as I am feeling really rather disillusioned with the Pagan world as a whole. The more I see its projection in the world, notably The Pagan Dawn magazine and events I have been to the more I feel that this is so not how I perceive it and worse I get frustrated how it is potrayed. Even the Druid Network doesn’t seem to be resonating with me any more.

Maybe I should just stop reading stuff. Although I am part way through my OBOD course which I started ages ago and I keep meaning to continue with it, but it is like wading through treacle at the moment and does not inspire and spark anything with me. I am fairly sure that this is not the courses fault, but mine.

I really do feel cut off from my spirituality and it is difficult. I continue to mediate, but this is mediation in a Buddhist sense, rather than doing virtual Grove exercises or any Pagan type ones. Like many things, you never know how instrinsic something is to your life until you have lost it. Has this affected any of you? If so, how have you gotten out of it?

 

Pagan Folk against Fascism

My other half and I disagree on so many things – for example when we were driving to see a potential wedding venue we passed through a village which had a lot of English flags flying – the white flag with the red cross, or Union flags (the OH gets cross when I say Union Jack as he says it is only a Jack when it is on a ship). I said this made me uncomfortable as it makes me think of BNP supporters, or racist, violent football supporters. He got really upset – and said he detests that fact that I think like that and even more that the flags have been hijacked in my mind by these parties.

For those of you outside the UK the British National Party (BNP) is a disgusting political party who are very scarily gaining strong ground in the UK, to the extent that they actually have a seat in the commons. I refuse to provide any links to their sites. Their basic premise is that anyone who isn’t white or British shouldn’t be here and should leave immediately.

I have recently become aware of Folk against Fascism. From the Folk against Fascism website:

The British National Party’s manifesto encourages its members to insinuate themselves into the folk and traditional customs of Britain. This involves the appropriation of British folk music and culture as a means of spreading its peculiar brand of racism and intolerance.

The UK folk scene is a welcoming and inclusive one; folk music and dance have always been about collaboration, participation, communication and respect. Folk Against Fascism has been created to take a stand against the BNP’s targeting of folk music, a stand against the appropriation of our culture. Folk Against Fascism isn’t a political party or a bureaucratic, top-heavy organisation. It is any and all of us who want to make ourselves aware of the BNP’s bigoted view of our history and culture, and who want to do something about it.

The BNP want to take our music, want to twist it into something it isn’t; something exclusive, not inclusive. We must not let them. Folk Against Fascism is a way to demonstrate our anger at the way the BNP wants to remodel folk music in its own narrowminded image.

Oh. My. Gods. This is appalling! I have a small amount to do with the Folk scene, having been in a folk group, which I will be going back to once I start my new job (they are close to each other). But more importantly to me, some folk music is strongly linked to Paganism. As such there has been a Pagan Folk Against Fascism group started. They have just released a CD, which can be bought here. I haven’t bought my yet as I want to wait until they have a digital version, but it looks good, containing some of my favourite Pagan musicians.

But for me this really does show how insidious the BNP is and how they are trying to twist things we should be proud of into things which make me, and others like me, feel uncomfortable about. Like flying the national flag.

My other half and I disagree on so many things – for example when we were driving to see a potential wedding venue we passed through a village which had a lot of English flags flying – the white flag with the red cross, or Union flags (the OH gets cross when I say Union Jack as he says it is only a Jack when it is on a ship). I said this made me uncomfortable as it makes me think of BNP supporters, or racist, violent football supporters. He got really upset – and said he detests that fact that I think like that and even more that the flags have been hijacked in my mind by these parties.

For those of you outside the UK the British National Party (BNP) is a disgusting political party who are very scarily gaining strong ground in the UK, to the extent that they actually have a seat in the commons. I refuse to provide any links to their sites. Their basic premise is that anyone who isn’t white or British shouldn’t be here and should leave immediately.

I have recently become aware of Folk against Fascism. From the Folk against Fascism website:

The British National Party’s manifesto encourages its members to insinuate themselves into the folk and traditional customs of Britain. This involves the appropriation of British folk music and culture as a means of spreading its peculiar brand of racism and intolerance.

The UK folk scene is a welcoming and inclusive one; folk music and dance have always been about collaboration, participation, communication and respect. Folk Against Fascism has been created to take a stand against the BNP’s targeting of folk music, a stand against the appropriation of our culture. Folk Against Fascism isn’t a political party or a bureaucratic, top-heavy organisation. It is any and all of us who want to make ourselves aware of the BNP’s bigoted view of our history and culture, and who want to do something about it.

The BNP want to take our music, want to twist it into something it isn’t; something exclusive, not inclusive. We must not let them. Folk Against Fascism is a way to demonstrate our anger at the way the BNP wants to remodel folk music in its own narrowminded image.

Oh. My. Gods. This is appalling! I have a small amount to do with the Folk scene, having been in a folk group, which I will be going back to once I start my new job (they are close to each other). But more importantly to me, some folk music is strongly linked to Paganism. As such there has been a Pagan Folk Against Fascism group started. When they create a site I will write about it and at the same time tell you in more detail about my favourite groups.

But for me this really does show how insidious the BNP is and how they are trying to twist things we should be proud of into things which make me, and others like me, feel uncomfortable about. Like flying the national flag.

Lotions and potions

I am back to work/studying tomorrow and although I love doing what I do I have a case of the back to work blues! I really enjoy my time off. Oh well!

I am sure this is not helped by the fact I have an interview on Tuesday, for a school (up to the age of 16), which is interesting as I haven’t trained to be a school teacher and I will have to do further training if I get it, which was so not in the plan for things at the moment. But then, what is?

Anyway, onto what I wanted to say: I went on an amazing course on Saturday, which I would love to share with you, but before I do I want to talk to you about one of the things which gives me a great deal of pleasure in my life and links with the course.

Creating my own beauty products!

I love the task of making them, as well as using them. It makes me feel properly witchy – hubbling and bubbing away over my stove top. I put on my favourite Pagan music and get brewing.

I make pretty much all of my beauty products now and they make wonderful presents for other people.

Candle, soap and bath melts make a great present. I already had the cellophane - I will not be buying anymore once it runs out

I make:

• Body lotion
• Cleanser
• Toner
• Face moisturiser
• Face exfoliator
• Body exfoliator
• Soap
• Shampoo
• Conditioner
• Bath melts
• Toothpaste (well, this is very much a work in progress to be honest!)

As well as making them I love using them. It gives me a small frisson of pleasure each time I reach for a product I have made. I have made with love, care and attention, teaching myself a valuable skill, cutting down on packaging, beauty miles (ok, I made that up – but you know what I mean) and from a socialist-feminism point of view, sticking it to the mega-beauty patriarchal, capitalist companies and all that they represent. (oh yeah!)

Would you be interested in some of my recipes and how I make them? No promises, what so ever about timescales!

And….relax

Hello, thanks for all the further thoughts on Pagan priesthood. It’s all very interesting and lots of think about!

I should be:

• Studying for my last PGCE assignment
• Marking a set of English essays
• Making a cot quilt
• Making my niece’s birthday present
• Making some more lotions and potions
• Going to the allotment
• Preparing for a really important and scary job interview

But do you know what? I just can not be bothered right now. I have done a lot so far over my holidays, most of it all rather dull and errand based. I have less time for doing day-to-day things now than I did when I was working full-time, I could easily do some internet shopping, or deal with car MOTs, getting presents etc while I was at work and no-one would be any the wiser. It’s not possible to do that when teaching – I can’t make a sneaky phone call to the garage when teaching a lesson on the historical context of comedy or how to do budgeting for a theatre company!

I haven’t been to my allotment for ages – I have either been really busy or ill – I have heard there is a ‘teachers’ immune system’ which I will get at some point -  I would really like it to kick in now, I seem to get every bug going and I’m rather bored of it to be honest.

So, what have I been doing? Well aside from all the silly little time-consuming errands I have managed to plant all my spring seeds, write a whole assignment, do one set of marking and most importantly spend time with friends and relax! I know that doesn’t sound like much but I really am rubbish at relaxing, spending most of my time at a full on pelt, either collapsing into bed at the end of the day, or being wide awake with my mind racing.

I have been writing, meditating, exercising and very much being in the moment. It is wonderful and really reminds me that I do not spend enough time doing this on a day-to-day basis, and quite frankly I should know better. In my last holiday (half term) I worked all of it, sitting at my computer, writing assignments, marking and preparing for the next half term. I felt totally unrefreshed when I went back to college and I really needed to make sure I didn’t do the same for this one.

So, I haven’t. I have had two days this week out and about, Monday at a Pagan festival event, with Damh the Bard playing and Ancient Music, which was lovely to hear. Yesterday I went to a craft type place, which also has a small farm for children too. I was convinced by my friend to do some ceramic painting, so I have created a rather lairy green, orange and purple massive mug for me to drink my vast quantities of redbush tea out of, while she created a rather beautiful and refined graduated goblet. I’m looking forward to picking them up some point next week.

I frequently forget that it is so important to take time out to relax and refresh so I can bring lots of energy to the things I do. I think I need to implement a routine or timetable to make sure I relax during term time as well. Or is that just my control freak side trying to regiment relaxing – which should be the very opposite to timetabled!

What do you do to ensure you relax, or do you not find it an issue?

Carry on Priesting

Hello. How has it been two weeks since I posted? How did that happen?! I am on Easter hols from College/Uni, so expect a flurry of posts from me over the next two weeks, although I expect I will write lots and then stagger the posting.

Thank you for all of your comments recently I have been thinking a lot about your responses to my post on Priesthood. I am sorry I haven’t responded before now, I have been mulling your comments over.

I think you are right – especially Sarah – I have been thinking of it compared to the Christian priest. In response to Sarah the reason I talk about preaching is because I see that as part of the Priest role – but I meant standing up in front of a pulpit, not trying to convert people. I think you are right, that is not what I can have, so I should stop thinking about it in that way. As for Ecoyogini’s comment on why do I say Priest instead of Priestess, erm… I just do. I think it is probably wrong! Sarah also mentioned that the Christian Priest is a conduit, whereas for us Pagans that (of course!) is not a requirement. Again, this wasn’t something that I thought would be part of it.

Isn’t it funny how one word can have so many meanings for so many people and provoke so many thoughts and comments.

I agree wholeheartedly with the idea of the role of Priestess (I will try to say that Ecoyogini!) being as Sarah says:

I think a priest/ess’ role is one of servant. Caring for others, for the land and if you are called to the path of shaman, to travel into the spirit world to accompany those being born or dying. Wisdom comes from experience, ability to interpret it and apply it and a massive realisation of how little you know no matter how much you have studied/learned/experienced.

As for what I am going to do about it…. nothing! Well, that’s not entirely true, I am going to continue living my life as I do and trying to improve it in many ways. Which is what this blog is about really. As Sarah said:

I would suggest you allow the role you feel called towards to emerge by looking at it from the corner of each eye rather than straight on until you understand it and are truly ready to grasp it.

You are so right Sarah  and this is completely the opposite to how I am in my life generally – a good lesson I will try to work on.

Thank you for all of your comments on this subject and for making me think and challenge my thoughts further.

Priesthood

Another one of my half term musings…

Following on from my last post I  think what I am looking for is to be a Priest. As a Pagan it is not that easy – there is no central body to employ me. As Pagans we have no churches, mosques, temples or synagogues. There is no central community to serve either (with the possible exception of Glastonbury).

In addition I would see preaching as a very small part of my role – my beliefs are so intrinsic to my life that it permeates everything that I do. It isn’t a separate part of my life, so that when I go with my Grove to celebrate I don’t put on my ‘Sunday best’.

I would want to be out in my community, talking and teaching – life skills, literacy, ICT skills and basic maths, living in a greener way and crafty skills. Working in the environment to make it more enjoyable for all, including wildlife. Along with counseling, listening and at times just providing a cup of tea and a helping hand to those in need.

Of course, providing handfasting rites working with the dying, burials and naming ceremonies would be part of all of this, but to me being a Priest is so much more than that.

Being Pagan and spiritual by my actions, rather than just words. And the reason that I say ‘spiritual’? I am coming to realise through the blogs I read that many of us on this green path are here because of our religion. Our beliefs give us eyes to see the beauty in the world and we want to protect that, as well as to try to solve the injustices. I am beginning to focus on the similarities between our religions rather than the differences and it is an awakening I am pleased to come to.

The one area I would struggle with as a Priest would be the aspect most people think of in relation to a Priest, preaching. For so long now my Paganism has been a very internal, private thing. I find it very hard to articulate my beliefs; rather strange as I am normally quite verbose!

So, this maybe one way to create the one great big work/life amazing amorphous mass I mentioned in my last post, unfortunately I just can’t see how I can make it happen at this point in time. Oh well, back to the drawing board!

More and more normal

Following on from my post Pagan Normality life is making my Paganism more and more normal!

I was in the amazing Foyles bookshop on the Southbank in London when after speaking the assistant about a book which was on the wrong shelf she said to me “merry meet”. I grinned and responded with “blessed be”, but was bemused as to how she had amazingly divined the fact that I was Pagan! Then I realised I had put on my pentagram that morning (I don’t normally wear it).

I was on my way out and it didn’t occur to me to say anything else; as I said I was rather confused, but wow, what a difference it made to my evening. I was going to the National Theatre* with my other half and I grinned for ages and bounced around in a happy way – all because of two words a stranger had said to me. I very much doubt she has any idea of the effect she had on me.

Another thing which has happened is I requested Kit Berry (author of Stonewylde)to be my friend on Facebook, which she accepted and then left a message on my wall – which I was amazed at – the lady is really working the social networking! She signed her wall post with ‘bright blessings’. Again, this bought me huge amounts of joy.

Lastly I downloaded Damh the Bard’s latest album. His music, combined with Omnia and The Dolmen are my favourite things to listen to when I am hubbling and bubbling over my stove creating my own beauty products, or when I am feeling down, or when I am feeling happy.**

Why is this?

All of these things create a Pagan normality and reality around me. Some of these are virtual, especially with online communities, some as simple as a stranger saying ‘merry meet’. One thing I envy Christians is that it is the ‘default’ religion in this land, no one thinks they are strange for going to Church and they can easily find a community on the corner of every other road. I am not naive, I am sure there are problems within a tight community, but at least they have a choice. All organised religions have a place to gather which is built into the hard landscape of our towns and cities, Pagans don’t. For me the fact that Paganism isn’t ‘organised’ is part of its appeal, but sometimes it makes me sad as well.

I am lucky to have very recently found a grove which meets regularly to celebrate each festival, but this new to me and the first time I have had anything like this in the 13 years I have ‘consciously’ been a Pagan.

So, I am going to make more of an effort within my Pagan community, including posting in the forum I belong to (Druid Network) and maybe going out of my way to attend moots, even though I find the concept of moots somewhat scary! And saying ‘merry meet’ to people who I think are Pagan – I am sure no-one will take offence to that?!

*You can get tickets for £10 for the National Theatre – amazing – you cannot go wrong!

** I think I need to do a post about Pagan music soon!