Tick tock..

tempus fugit.

Blimey – how is nearly a month since I last posted? Time is flying by, although I have to say I have been felled by the seasonal lurgy, which is not like me at all. I got wiped out totally for a week, took another week to get much better, had a week of feeling OK, but not really up for exercising and then taken out again for another week.

Ugh, I am feeling really quite behind schedule now.

Because I am always a bit grumpy about Christmas I deny its existance until December and then I get overwhelmed with panic about how much I have to do to get presents ready. This year I have been ultra busy with my MA and so I have not made all of the presents I wanted too. But, I am not going to beat myself up, as that is far to easy to do and doesn’t actually achieve anything. (see many previous posts about me being a stress head).

I am really busy at the moment, as my course really is quite full on and really quite exciting. I have to do an internship as part of my course and I interviewed for a place with a small theatre company and they want to pay me as a kind of General Manager for them instead of interning. Ultra exciting and it has opened up a world of possiblities for me as working for myself, offering my business skills to arts organsiations. So, that is taking up quite a lot of head space to be honest!

On top of that I have been working in a pub at the weekend, supply teaching as and when and spending an awful lot of time being ill. Which is rather tedious.

So, lots of excitment and lots and lots to think about.

I have read a couple of books from my reading challenge, but just not got around to posting them as yet, I will do, but I am not going to  put on lots of pressure!

I am trying not to read lots of posts about all of the amazing things people have made for Yule/Christmas and feel guilty about it. Next year I will get my act together and when people start posting on Facebook in September about their preparations for Christmas I will not scoff and stick my fingers in my ears and go ‘la la la’ but pay attention a bit more. I would like to say that as we don’t have kids it is not that big a deal to make the house look nice and seasonal, but I know my OH loves Christmas and I should be a bit less humbug about it all!

How are your preparations going?

 

 

Top Girls

Last week I went to see a production of Caryl Churchill’s “Top Girls”. 

 

It was an excellent production of a gripping play. It is non-linear – in fact the opening scene is a celebratory dinner with Marlene (80s business woman, Joan the Pope (who lived as a man until she gave birth to a baby in the middle of a big parade – they stoned her and the baby), Griselda (the Good Wife from Chaucer), a Victorian female explorer, a Japenese emporor’s mistress/buddhist nun and Dull Gret. They get pissed and sad (as often happens) and tell of their tales – it was funny and incredibly sad at the same time.

What got me though, was by the end of the play how depressed I was. It was written in 1982 – three years after I was born, with many overtones of Thatcher creeping through. What upset me was far little a distance we have come in some respects.

Marlene has just been promoted to the head of a recruitment agency and there is much celebration around this, but it is very unusual at the time. And quite frankly is still a rarity here. We see her and her colleagues interviewing women. One woman in her 40s is told to give up on the hope of a new job because she is too old, and she may have worked hard, but she is just too plain and boring to get any futher.

One woman is told that she must not wear her engagement ring as she will have no chance of getting a job .

That one touched a nerve for me, as I am starting my Masters in a couple of weeks. By the time I come out of that I will be 33 and I am married. I have thought on several occasions that I wonder if I should not wear my rings to any interviews. Let’s face it, most employers will be thinking that I will want to leave soon and have a baby – so why should they employ me?

There were many other feminist issues throughout this play, and a nice exploration of female relationships and the sacrifices we make.

I do recommend that if you ever get the chance you should go and see the play.

relief

huh, isn’t it funny? I post up a load of worries and then I walk to town to pick up some books from the library and they all just disappear.

Don’t you find that? Sometimes vocalising things alieviates the problem.

I don’t know why I am worrying so much about what I wear….I have pretty much worn the same stuff forever (outside of work that is), I am on my fourth pair of docs since college and that is only because they have worn out from being worn solidly all winter. I have jeans and various black, purple, green or blue tops & jumpers. That is it.

It has never stopped people liking me (that I know anyway), nor stopped me doing anything. Why should this be any different? I have just been intimidated by it being an ‘arts’ university. I did do a Theatre degree. Wearing pretty much the same stuff as I do now (with more of a goth influence when going out), you could say that is fairy artsy in and of itself. Admittedly I didn’t do a great deal of acting stuff, if we did practical work I was mainly in the stage management side of things, hanging out with the techies, smoking vast amouts ofrollies, drinking loads of tea and living off of toast.

So, time to focus on getting ready for the course academically. And of course I don’t know why I am worrying about that. When I did my PGCE I really over-studied. I am sure I will do the same again here.

I really need to stop worrying so much (in oh so many ways!)

 

More and more normal

Following on from my post Pagan Normality life is making my Paganism more and more normal!

I was in the amazing Foyles bookshop on the Southbank in London when after speaking the assistant about a book which was on the wrong shelf she said to me “merry meet”. I grinned and responded with “blessed be”, but was bemused as to how she had amazingly divined the fact that I was Pagan! Then I realised I had put on my pentagram that morning (I don’t normally wear it).

I was on my way out and it didn’t occur to me to say anything else; as I said I was rather confused, but wow, what a difference it made to my evening. I was going to the National Theatre* with my other half and I grinned for ages and bounced around in a happy way – all because of two words a stranger had said to me. I very much doubt she has any idea of the effect she had on me.

Another thing which has happened is I requested Kit Berry (author of Stonewylde)to be my friend on Facebook, which she accepted and then left a message on my wall – which I was amazed at – the lady is really working the social networking! She signed her wall post with ‘bright blessings’. Again, this bought me huge amounts of joy.

Lastly I downloaded Damh the Bard’s latest album. His music, combined with Omnia and The Dolmen are my favourite things to listen to when I am hubbling and bubbling over my stove creating my own beauty products, or when I am feeling down, or when I am feeling happy.**

Why is this?

All of these things create a Pagan normality and reality around me. Some of these are virtual, especially with online communities, some as simple as a stranger saying ‘merry meet’. One thing I envy Christians is that it is the ‘default’ religion in this land, no one thinks they are strange for going to Church and they can easily find a community on the corner of every other road. I am not naive, I am sure there are problems within a tight community, but at least they have a choice. All organised religions have a place to gather which is built into the hard landscape of our towns and cities, Pagans don’t. For me the fact that Paganism isn’t ‘organised’ is part of its appeal, but sometimes it makes me sad as well.

I am lucky to have very recently found a grove which meets regularly to celebrate each festival, but this new to me and the first time I have had anything like this in the 13 years I have ‘consciously’ been a Pagan.

So, I am going to make more of an effort within my Pagan community, including posting in the forum I belong to (Druid Network) and maybe going out of my way to attend moots, even though I find the concept of moots somewhat scary! And saying ‘merry meet’ to people who I think are Pagan – I am sure no-one will take offence to that?!

*You can get tickets for £10 for the National Theatre – amazing – you cannot go wrong!

** I think I need to do a post about Pagan music soon!