Terrible bargains

Rather late into things  I came across this post at Shakesville via Too much to say for myself. I am not sure why Shakesville wasn’t on my RSS feeds, but it sure is now. Please go and read Shakesville’s post before coming back here.

This post says a lot to me and I am envious that I didn’t write  it.


“Why do you have to take this stuff so personally? ask the intellectual, clever, and engaged men, who have never considered that the content of the abstract exercise that’s so much fun for them is the stuff of my life.

Do I let too many things slide past for the sake of an easy life and not triggering an argument or ‘debate’ as it is often called? I lose my temper when talking about feminist issues and get emotional, which allows my thoughts and ideas to be overridden by others who say ‘you are being too emotional’, as if this is a bad thing and unacceptable way to behave in response to something which upsets you so greatly. See Derailling for Dummies as to the motivation behind this behavior. But do you know what? Yes I am being emotional, but not unreasonable. For the most part these are issues which affect ME, you try being detached and logical.

Another quote:

These things, they are not the habits of deliberately, connivingly cruel men. They are, in fact, the habits of the men in this world I love quite a lot.

All of whom have given me reason to mistrust them, to use my distrust as a self-protection mechanism, as an essential tool to get through every day, because I never know when I might next get knocked off-kilter with something that puts me in the position, once again, of choosing between my dignity and the serenity of our relationship.

Swallow shit, or ruin the entire afternoon?

Indeed.When people who you are close to say things which offend you, what do you do? How often do you make a judgment call? How often do we not say anything to keep the peace? And why should we have to think about this? This doesn’t just apply to feminist things, but green things too, how often do you not speak up about wasteful behaviour which offends your green side? What about your moral values – do you challenge people on this front too?

This has been a difficult post to write as I kept going off on many tangents, but I hope this is coherent, it has certainly given me ideas for lots of new posts. This is my first post about feminism and I have much to say on the topic, this may not be the best start, but Shakesville’s post resonated so strongly with me that I wanted to share it with you straight away.

***since I wrote this, I went over to Shakesville and caught up. There have been a further 8 posts on this subject, each from a person with their terrible bargains. Just wow. Read them here.***


One thought on “Terrible bargains

  1. EcoYogini says:

    wow, I just read the first post…. and like you was flabbergasted. exactly. While living in Montreal, a city that I found much more traditional-sexist-whatever than other Canadian cities I had lived in, i had such a hard time being a feminist. My partner’s roommate would put up anti-feminism “articles” on the fridge for me to see, constantly poke at my beliefs…

    and you know- i just stopped even engaging in discussion. Usually, it was me saying: “there is no point in even discussing this with you- so I don’t want to talk about it”. I could tell who really wanted to discuss and who wanted to pick a fight. to feel superior.

    at the same time, my partner’s family is VERY traditional and we’ve actually had a nice little fight with his parents about how Andrew and I are BOTH taking each others names…. i was SO completely offended at their words and actions- to the point that I assumed they weren’t supporting the wedding. but they do! they actually have no idea how offensive they are.

    so what do you do?

    sigh. i have no idea. such a thought provoking post. thank you. 🙂

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