As I was contemplating the end of my MBCT course , I read on Suburban Yogini’s blog that she would be doing a spiritual writing course. The sound of this intriged me, and so I did a bit of research and decided that I would do it.
Now, I suspect like many bloggers, I feel like I could write properly. You know – properly. As a former marketing manager I have written loads and been published (under a client’s or boss’s name), but always factual, or opinion articles about IT and Telecoms. Or marketing materials like press releases or customer case studies. Not very creative, but well written. To be honest it was part of the job that I loved most, aside from event organisation.
However, I seem incapable of doing any creative writing, mainly because I am scared of getting it wrong. I know, silly right? And yet, it is a paralysing fear. To the extent that I cannot write anything down.
A large part of this course is doing ‘small stones’
A small stone is a short piece of writing that precisely captures a fully-engaged moment. The process of finding small stones is as important as the finished product – searching for them will encourage you to keep your eyes (and ears, nose, mouth, fingers, feelings & mind) open. Writing them regularly will help you to connect with the world, & to love it a teensy bit more than you do now.
now, when I started this course I really enjoyed writing the small stones, it tied in with the mindfulness that I was doing. And yet, I don’t seem to have been able to keep it up. Silly really as I often compose them in my head, and yet I am unable to write them down. Why, I ask myself WHY?!
Laziness or self-doubt?
I don’t know….but what I am beginning to realise is that I think I need to start letting go of all these things that I think that I could be or do in my life. Which physically and mentally clutter up around me. I have lots of paraphenalia around me from starting new hobbies and things that I might be.. like a photographer, musician, athlete….I am learning that I can just enjoy things without having to be brilliant at them, or even that somethings just haven’t worked out for me and I can let them go.
I can feel spring in the air and I feel like having a clear out on a massive scale of ideas of myself, thoughts, goals, aims that I have been subconciously measuring myself against and that I am not doing and therefore beating myself up. If I lived on my own I suspect I will have gotten rid of an awful lot of stuff in the house!
I will be sharing some of the writing that this course has made me do (which quite frankly I need), but also my thoughts from it. Serendipity has meant that I have finished a mindfulness course; started a mindful writing course; and begun a meditation and Buddhism course all within a short-time scale. It seems to be affecting my mind! Even though I am not doing much writing it is provoking a lot of thoughts in me.