Spiritual Crisis

The main reason I have been so reticent about blogging over the last long while is I have had a spiritual crisis, to say the least.

I have struggled over my spirituality a great deal – I don’t even think I can call myself Pagan any more, as a lot of my practice doesn’t fall into that, I don’t do magic, or really celebrate the festivals a lot. That has been a big issue, I was very nearly a Pagan chaplain, I had applied and got accepted (though a very lengthy process, but one which I feel is worth while), I had even got my security clearance, a REALLY long process, as they want to know everything about you. But by the time that had come through I just didn’t feel in a position to spiritually lead anyone, as I was in the grips of a tumultuous thought process about it.

So, what I want to focus on here, for the most part, is spirituality which is broad, not tied to any labels, but it is still an important part of my life, even though for the most part I feel like I do not have the words to express that.

What do you think?

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7 thoughts on “Spiritual Crisis

  1. morelenmir says:

    The spells, the rituals and the festivals they decorate are merely a means to an end. They help you to connect with the Goddess. That is all. They are not essential. Many people require them in order to centre and classify themselves. You do not need them however. Even ‘Pagan’ is just a label. It is how you think about the world, how you apprehend the things which happen around you and the paths of causality which flow between that matters.

    On the dark evening of October the 9th, 1999 you converted me from an absolute raving non-believer (in ‘magic’, I believed entirely in the Paranormal) into what some people would call a ‘Pagan’. That evening in the tamest and least overstated terms changed my life. It was quite genuinely where everything changed for me. You showed me that everything I had felt and experienced before was actually a misidentified ‘Pagan’ world view. I believed in the divine, in magic and the ‘old religion’ even though I did not REALIZE I believed. Given that truth, despite it in fact I am not a Gardenarian, I am not an Alexandrian. I do not practise Thelema, or chaos magic or any other formalized school. I simply reach out with my thought and my immaterial perception and FEEL the Goddess, the Divine as she sings to me through the vibrating strands of reality. I feel her, am part of her and love her with everything I am.

    To me at least THAT is what it means to be a ‘Pagan’. Everything else is just stage dressing, or mood lighting. And given what you have written here over the years and in other places I do not believe that part of you has changed one iota.

    • Wow, hello! I did not know you read this.

      What a wonderful thing to read, thank you so much. I have already written my piece on labels and that is going to be my next post.

      You are right in all that you say, which is the point of my next post…… and what you say about stage dressing and mood lighting is so spot on.

      I too am am following my own path (I just mis-typed ‘own’ as ‘old’ – telling I think). Not affiliated with any tradition, which in some ways makes it hard as there is no-one to share those thoughts with. I am hoping to grow this blog into something to address that, as I am sure there are others like me.

      I am glad I had such an effect in your life and that the Goddess is still part of your life like this.

      • morelenmir says:

        Its the simple truth. You had been a positive, healing influence in my life since we met almost two years earlier. However, that October night at the Rose and Crown marked a true turning point for me. Everything that has come since in one way or another, to a greater or lesser extent has been a result of my embracing the old religion. And yet you seemed so sad in your last entry. I just could not let you suffer such a fracture from the ‘Pagan’ world without at least trying to express how very important your affirmation and teaching of these beliefs had been to me.

        I look forward to reading your next post on labels and interpretation.

      • Thank you so much!

        I have to say, it wasn’t a sad post, it was just one that had been brewing in my thoughts for quite a long time and I guess that is just how it turned out!

  2. verdant1 says:

    There’s plenty more of us out there who don’t do the stage dressing or follow ‘the rules’. The path I’m following certainly doesn’t go the same way as the ones people write books on! It is my path, however, so I can cope with not being mainstream, even by pagan standards. Given my natural tendencies, it was never going to be a conventional path…

    I do think you are doing a good and wise thing in taking time to review and think – that never goes amiss, even if you end up heading in directions you never expected. Thank you for having the courage to share about it – that is a huge encouragement to all the rest of us 🙂

    @morelenmir – I love your comment about feeling the Goddess singing through the vibrating strands of reality. That struck resonating belltones in my soul!

    BTW love the new look – especially the balloons!

  3. […] I should have said. In the past it has been so clear cut and now…..well, its just not. See here and here for more […]

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