Yesterday was my mitra ceremony, and I am still rather in wonder at all that happened and how I feeling about it all today.
I was extremely nervous all day, really nervous and it was Pamadsamvada day. During the day we chanted the mantra and heard the teaching about six times. This is the first time I have done a full day like this and I felt like it built up over the period of time to create something very powerful. During the chanting in the seven fold puja (ritual), it was an immense sound and felt like there was a connection with Pamadasamvda.
I certainly felt like I had the beginnings of an understanding of his teachings, after the afternoon talk.
I received a teaching from the shrine (on a small piece of card) and mine was
disposing yourself physically to be calm, as in an empty house the raindrops slowly gather, relax –do not force your mind or body.
Oh how I smiled. How appropriate for me and my way of living, especially as I am adjusting to not working so much, to not pushing my body so hard and I feel like I am beginning to learn to relax.
Throughout the day I felt sick and anxious, but several people calmed me, including Anne, Jayamitra and couple of other ladies, whose names I forgot from sheer nerves.
Saddhabhaya –as was David Weston, the leader from the Hornchurch group was there, which I was so touched by as he had only just come back from his Ordination retreat and hadn’t even officially had his coming back party, as was Nadaketu, Nigel, Pat and Pete. I was so pleased to have their support, it meant a lot to me, as I don’t really know many people at the centre. While I was waiting my hands were sweating so much, I had to keep wiping them on my trousers to avoid dropping everything.
During the seven fold puja there was more chanting and I really calmed down during that point. Although while I was watching the other ceremonies (there was 9 of us), I kept going over what I had to do, how I had to do and I was so nervous I would trip over and set fire to the entire shrine room, not entirely unlikely given my extreme clumsyness.
However, when it came to my ceremony I was calm and very focused, and in the moment. It felt wondrous and beautiful.
Afterwards I was overwhelmed by all the lovely people giving me cards and presents, it really was astonishing – even people I didn’t know were giving me presents. So, so touched, I was quite tearful.
I was so taken aback by how lovely everyone was, it sounds silly, but it is unusual to see such generosity and kindness and I guess this is part of being a Mitra in a sangha. I am happy to have made such a commitment, and for me it really is a big step and I very proud that I did this.
By the way, these words are not sufficient to explain all that happened yesterday, or how I feel about it all today. Not even close…..