Hmm, difficult hey?! It seems rather selfish to want to look after oneself, you have to put yourself first and make time to eat well, exercise and meditate.
It is something I struggled with for quite sometime, until I met and chatted with Sharon from a bit of the good stuff. And she said something which really resonated with me – “I can’t help other people if I am not well myself”.
Now, I admit this is not a new idea at all and something I have come across before, but there was something in the way that she said, in the context we were in and what we were talking about that is suddenly made sense and altered my thinking.
I am generally getting better at this, I have a regular massage, which isn’t indulgence, but an important aspect of keeping me healthy. I have a therapist each week – again a financial spend, but something which I feel is important to help me heal from my depression.
I got a dog, mainly so that I HAD to take a long walk in nature each day – he doesn’t understand the idea that I don’t feel well, or I can’t be bothered – he needs me to take him for a long walk each day. I love him for this.
Being in nature is something which I swear I can feel healing my soul. There is something truely regenerative for being in the woods, or by running water. It is a key part of looking after myself.
But eating well? This is something I really struggle with. Especially as I have gone vegetarian as part of my Buddhism and making my life greener. It has made it really hard to eat, Gavin and I have not had the healthiest of diets and it is beginning to show in how I feel and my weight gain.
I was vegetarian when I was younger and it was easy – I lived off of tea, toast and fags and pretty much only ate one meal a week, which my boyfriend’s lovely mum went out of her way to cook for me each Sunday, even though no one else was veggie. It may have been easy: but it was not healthy. Looking back at the few photos from my uni days I looked like I was going to drop down dead (admittedly not helped by the goth wear) and was so THIN. Woefully so.
I also ended up giving myself a B12 deficiency – my stomach stopped absorbing it. I now have to have a very painful injection every 3 months for the rest of my life.
This time I wanted to do it differently. However, I still have quite a few hangups about food, I honestly would prefer to take a tablet if there was one available which would fulfill all nutritional requirements. Then I could give up eating and not have to worry about shopping, cooking, eating and cleaning it all up ever again. Unfortunately it does not look like science has this as an issue it is devoting time and energy too.
It is easier to give up other bad habits if you have issues with them – especially if you are like me and can’t deal very well with moderation. I have given up smoking and drinking fine. I just don’t do them. Eating on the other hand – you can’t give up, you have to eat something.
I have come to the conclusion that eating healthy, whole food is a vital part of being healthy and well. I just need to make that transition to doing so. I would like to eventually cut all processed food out of my diet and focus on eating healthily and well, but this will probably be a slow and steady progress over several years.
I still have my urge that I am here to DO something, to fulfill my purpose, but I haven’t figured out what that is yet. However, I need to be fit and healthy when I do. So I am going to work on my health through eating better. I am not going to beat myself up and expect to be perfect, but I am going to eat a good, healthy vegetarian diet with lots of fruit and vegetables. One stage at a time.
This has turned into a much longer post than I intended it to be and quite a personal and revealing one as well, but that is the point of this blog.