As you know I have recently swapped to writing 3 times a week, but I have more to share than that and I have a massive backlog of posts and it is getting really rather confusing when I am writing! As such I am going to have a flurry of posts as I catch up with myself. They are focused on metta – some extremely positive and others are very open about the struggles I have. I guess what I don’t think I have made explicit on this blog is that I suffer from depression and, like everyone who suffers from it, it has a hold on my life in different ways at different times. I have always put work first during my depressions, I have always managed to go into the office and deliver great work. Of course, this has meant that I have not had the energy for other parts of my life.
I made a choice to become self employed after my masters (after much encouragement and support from my wonderful husband Gavin), working in an industry which I care passionately about – the arts and education – but also where I have control over my time, for the most part anyway. I allow myself to take the time I need to rest, relax and look after myself.
My work is still of a very high standard, and I probably still put it first, but it is done in a more compassionate way now, I give myself time off, I look in my diary for busy times and then book out time to recover. This sounds basic, but it is something I have never done before.
All of which, combined with living my life in a more compassionate way is helping me with my depression, but is still takes hold sometimes, with its firm, iron grip.
So, I thought I would share that here. In an open way, I am not the only person in the world with depression and it is still not talked about that much. Although this will not become a blog about depression, it is a blog about my spiritual journey, depression is a part of that journey and I am no longer going to hide it, as you will see over the next few posts, where I go from trying to be very positive to being more honest. Another point to remember is these metta posts have been written over a period of a few weeks and I am sharing them in a short time!