This is part of my flurry of metta series.
The last few times I have written about how I feel my practice is spreading away from my mat,, and this is a continuation of that, although in a slightly different way. I’d hate for you to get the impression I was turning into some sort perfect being!
I have started to catch myself when I am not thinking Buddhist thoughts, and rather than chastising myself (I am such a rubbish person) I examine how I have got to that point.
For example, I was just on my way to the supermarket to pick up a few items, when my husband called to ask if I could pick him up from the station, as he had been doing overtime that weekend in London and was really tired. I figured that I had half an hour before I needed to be at the station, so I had plenty of time.
In the rush to get there, and get everything and get back again I ended up thinking these thoughts
- Oh get out my way you doddering old man
- Drive faster you stupid git
- Get out of my way before I ram you with my trolley
I think you get the general drift, and me being me there was a lot of swearing in there too.
As I drove to pick up my husband I thought about the following…did I need to go to the supermarket right then? The supermarket is 5 mins away on a good day, is trying to do a speed shop on a Saturday afternoon a particularly good idea and then get back tot he train station which is 10 mins away in under half an hour? Of course it is not, I was never going to be able to do that without getting stressed out.
Why did I put myself in that situation, there really was no need to, I could have read for 30 mins, picked up Gavin and then gone to the supermarket, rather than trying to do it all at speed, thinking negative thoughts and generally getting very stressed by the whole situation.
I learned a valuable lesson that day, don’t put myself in such a silly situation and hopefully I will be less inclined to be so nasty in my thoughts!