This is part of the flurry of metta series
It is amazing the effects of metta on my life. It is something bigger and smaller all at the same time. I think that actively practicing kindness allows you to be kind, you look for more ways to be kind.
“if you act as though your actions can be detached from you, when they are actually part of you, you are setting up foces of conflict and disintegration within you” It’s not about being good, Subhadramati
This is something I am beginning to learn, I feel like I am becoming more integrated within myself, more authentic.
All of the inauthenticity begins to fade, as the guilt from being horrible becomes less and less. I look for ways to be nicer and kinder. Of course, I say all of this like I have achieved some level of spiritual attainment, where as actually I am just beginning to see the point of living a life like this, or trying to take steps which are better for the world.
To take a really small example, I want some trousers which I can wear to do yoga in, to relax in, or just to wear to bed when it is cold. There are numerous things which I could buy, I can easily go and buy what I am looking for, from websites or shops. And yet, I am beginning to get to the stage where I don’t want to spend my money on anything which has a dubious history. Now don’t get me wrong, for the last few years I have been keen to try to buy ethically made things, but now it is becoming a driving force in my shopping. I don’t buy a huge amount of clothes at all, so I really have to want an item before I start looking for it, but it has got to the point where the providence of the item is more important than other factors.
Take my jeans, when my last pair died I wanted a new pair. I really do wear jeans an awful lot, so it is awkward not having any. I have become slightly more fashion conscious than I have been in the past and I am aware of how good skinny jeans look. However my favourite manufacturer do not make skinny jeans. I know this brand fit me well, I know the size is what it says it is, and so I bought a pair which are not skinny, but fit me really well, look great and are ethically made.
I have just released that my other favourite brand, Finisterre, have just started making exactly the sort of trousers I want. Are they more expensive than other ones I can buy? Yes. Much. But do I get a good feeling when I am wearing them? yes. There are many days, when aside from my bra I am dressed head to toe in ethical wear, including pants, socks and coat. I haven’t found an ethical bra which is made for the more endowed among us. It makes me feel good when I realise that I am dressed in ethical clothes. I wonder how much of that has an onward effect outside of my little morning awareness of being ethically dressed.
Maybe that little morning awareness, combined with meditation in the morning does set me up for a better day. Maybe becoming authentic and integrated into the way of metta is something which is slowly happening to me over a period of time. Maybe over time this will have a cumulative effect and all of these positive feelings will help to make me a better person, a happier person. Who knows.