Compromise

Following on from my lazy or genius post I have reached a compromise and not going so far. There is a middle ground apparently. I am rather known for being binary in my thinking – I think it is a side effect of the depression – its either all or nothing.

I either write 1000 words each day or I write nothing.
I am eating really healthily, or I am eating junk.

There is a middle ground, always. I just need to remember that.

So I have simplified my work wardrobe, just not to entirely black, but everything does go together well, so I can just pick up what ever and wear it and know that it will match. I am also heading back towards trousers and shirts, just not the very formal dress shirt with a French cuff which need ironing, I hate ironing. I am much more comfortable and confident in trousers, so I don’t know why I keep thinking that I should wear dresses or skirts and then spending the day feeling uncomfortably girlie. I actually like Craghoppers shirts, they don’t need ironing, look smart and I can wear them walking if I want to. Clothes that do double duty – hell yeah!

I am going to sell lots of it on ebay and then send the rest to the charity shop. I am also not buying any more work clothes until I absolutely have to and then it needs to go with everything else. I have stayed with the colours, blue, black, purple, grey and that is it. Simple! I may add in some green if I come across something I particularly like.

I have one pair of work boots which are actually doc martens, which makes me smile, they are just not as clumpy as traditional docs. They are smart and go with everything

Well, it works for winter – I am not sure about what to wear in summer, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I am much happier about dressing in spring, autumn and winter, but summer always leaves me befuddled slightly!

Brain detox

There is so much information out there – we really are bombarded with so much data, images, opinions and other types of media that it can be difficult to figure out what is going on in our own brains.

For the last two weeks I have stopped reading all blogs, self help books, spirituality/religion books and the news. edited to add, I wrote this over a week ago now, hence there is a quote from another blog on here!

It has been so refreshing to say the least! I feel great for it. My anxiety has dropped somewhat, not least because I am no longer comparing myself to everyone else, feeling like I should be doing this that and the other.

I am not sure how much longer I can keep it up, I do need to go back to reading work related news, so that I can stay current in my knowledge, but as for the rest of it….I’m not sure at the moment.

I might stay blog free for a while longer yet, and maybe go back to some of it at a later stage. I might just pick one or two to read, those who don’t necessarily make me wish for a better or different life, but just those who interest me. I’m not sure.

 

Lazy or genius?

Is it a really lazy thing to do to get rid of everything out of my wardrobe that isn’t black and just create a uniform of black clothes? Black trousers, black tshirt and black jacket, cardigan or jumper. With a range of colourful scarfs that I just could wear to brighten things up.

As a girl guide leader I have a uniform to wear, at least on the top half and I just wear whatever I have had on the rest of the day on the bottom. It is smart, it always looks together and I never have to think about it.

I work in schools quite a lot and sometimes look at the uniforms with envy. The kids (and their parents) don’t have to think about what they are going to wear each day, they just put on the same thing.

Although I have simplified my wardrobe a great deal (inspired by project 333), and only have a limited number of colours in my wardrobe I still have to think about what I am going to wear when I go to a meeting. It would be easy if I had a uniform that I wore when I was client facing.

But, with my limited colours and number of clothes I worry that people think I wear the same things all the time, I am sure that really no one gives a damn, but I notice what people are wearing and remember when they wear the same thing again. Of course I am not judging them, it is just that I notice and think that it really suits them and I wished that I was able to wear that sort of thing. Which I guess is a form of judgement, just positive to them and negative to me.

Of course, within that there is a whole level of worry about other people’s opinion, as well as a stress about such a minor thing. And that is what I mean, will just wearing the same thing take all of that away? Will I no longer waste brain power on such a thing?

Outside of meetings it is easy, jeans, tshirt and hoody/fleece. I only have one pair of jeans at the moment and it is actually working out, about 5 tshirts and about 4 hoody/fleece. Nearly all of my tshirts are merino or bamboo, so they are breathable and non smelly!

I have two pairs of walking trousers, it is very muddy round here and as I walk Buster everyday I need to be able to wash the thick mud off. On the top I tend to wear a tshirt/hoody which I have worn as normal clothes for a couple of days. At the moment, aside from a pair of loose trousers for yoga and my swimming kit I am not wearing any exercise clothes as I still can’t run or cycle. I just wear what ever tshirt I have been wearing to yoga.

So, would eliminating the options for work stuff away from blue, black, grey, purple and burgundy and different types of trousers/dress/skirt make life easier? I think the burgundy is going to go as it doesn’t work with purple and so I have 2 items of clothes which I can’t mix with others so well. Would 2 pairs of black trousers, 2 black long sleeve tshirts/2 black short sleeve tshirts and then a black cardigan, jacket and jumper work? Or would it be too boring? Maybe a black dress and a black skirt for variety?

I then wouldn’t need to think about fashion, new clothes (apart from when my black staples run out), or what to wear when I am heading out to a client.

I am of course, over exagerating, and I don’t think I would go this far, but it would make life so much easier!

Selling the past

(this was written before xmas, in case any of it seems out of joint with the rest)

So today I am selling all of my Viking reenactment kit.

Yes, I used to spend my weekends dressed as a viking, running around with a sword, knife and bows and arrows and fight with people. I would like to point out that these were metal swords, but they were blunt. They still hurt if you got hit with them though. They hurt a hell of a lot.

I haven’t done reneactment for over 10 years now, I think it is ten years. My kit has spent a lot of time being moved from one place to another, or stored at my parent’s house.

And yet, there is a small part of me which is reluctant to sell it. When I opened up the bag of stuff last night a heady smell of wool and wood smoke came out and enveloped me in a cloud of memories.

I hand sewed, embroidered and other embellished all of these clothes – both male and female kit.
I took a great deal of pride in all of the accessories I made. Not to mention all of the jewellery and metal kit I had bought, this was when I was working in marketing and earning a great deal more than I am now. My status symbols were in my Viking kit, rather than in my every day life.

I also take a great deal of pride in knowing I can fight with a sword, axe, knife and longbow. It makes me feel like I could survive the zombie apocalypse if it comes(!). I can also light a fire with a flint and tinder, make tinder, cook for huge numbers of people on an open fire, spin wool, sew whole outfits by hand. That gives me a certain confidence in myself I have to say.

I was part of the Vikings group, and the level of authenticity in our work was high, we were sought by English Heritage and National Trust to put on fights and living history displays for the public. I have fought the Battle of Hastings more times than I can remember.

I am keeping a small brooch to remind me of all of the happy times I spent around campfires at night, fighting with friends and having fun.

I am also keeping my longbow as i am joining an archery club in the new year and all of these new fangled bows with sights and triggers seem like cheating to me, not to mention unnecessarily complicated. (sorry to my husband!) I love the simplicity of shooting with a longbow – it is, essentially, a stick with a string on. A very expensive stick with string, but still.

I am sad to be selling all of this kit, something which was my main hobby in my life for quite a long time, but I also have not liked having it in the loft. I have felt like it was tying me to the past in a way and I am ready to move on.

Kindness

I found this on the wonderful Kindred of the Quiet Way blog, and it I think it sums up what I am thinking at the moment

“Kindness’ covers all of my political beliefs. No need to spell them out. I believe that if, at the end, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I didn’t always know this and am happy I lived long enough to find it out.” Roger Ebert.

Of course this can be more simply, and slightly crudely put as Wheaton’s Law

Don’t be a dick

Thank you

Thank you all so much for the positive comments to my recent outpourings, it has been really great to hear such support from you all. I don’t know why I was so worried about it all.

It is hard to talk about such personal topics, I don’t know if it is being British and one generally doesn’t talk about these things, but I have struggled to share, which is why when I read back over what I have published there is quite a time lag between writing and publishing, to give me time to chicken out or to re-think what I want to say.

I try to write most mornings, although that has not been happening as late, I write in one big note, often several blog posts at once, then I separate them out and edit them at a later stage. Or delete them entirely. I like to keep the writing and editing process separate (like most people I suppose) so that I can stay in the creative zone. This does mean that the whole process slows down the time between writing and posting.

Which I do think is a good thing.

Never the less, thank you for you support and encouragement in my meanderings!

 

Bimbling goals part 2

OK, so I have explained my word of the year and shared part 1 of my goals, so here are the rest

Spiritual

To find a women’s group
I have no idea how I am going to do this, especially  living where I do. But none the less, I think that if I continue to search for one and keep it in my mind that is what I am looking for that it might happen!

To go on retreat by myself 
I would very much like to have a retreat by myself, maybe some music, my laptop to write on BUT NO INTERNET, pens and paper and a chance to do what I want and not to have to worry about anyone else.

To be honest in my sharing
I want to be as honest as possible in my sharing of my spiritual practice and my life in general. Although I will not be going ‘warts and all’ into the details of my life I want to share my spiritual journey honestly and openly. I am sure at times this will be very difficult

To continue to develop my spirituality and its practice
oh, this is a complicated one to explain once you get past the obvious. It will be a major theme this year I can promise you!

Family & Friendships 

To hold monthly soup sojourns 
getting together with my friends can be tricky, we are all really busy, and so when we do see each other we make it a big deal, cooking elaborate food etc. I wanted to combat this by opening my house one Saturday or Sunday a month and making soup and break and going for a nice walk in the woods with my dog. If one can make it great, if three can, fab. The idea being that seeing friends doesn’t have to take hours in prep.

To have a day out with mum/dad/niece
A whole day with each of these people individually. Not sure what that will look like yet but there is time to figure that out

To have a date night with Gavin twice a month 
Not necessarily out of the house, but doing something together with intent, rather than just vegging out in front of the tv. This might be a nice meal and games or going out to the cinema.

To have an actual dinner party
With a couple/s joining us. We have only done this once in the time we have been together and we would like to invite people into our home more

To have an amazing holiday together
Not sure what this would look like at the moment, but it involves leaving England for the first time since we got married (which will be three years ago in July)

My personal goals 

to relax 
mainly by bimbling

to use all my own products 
moisturiser, going no poo etc

My massive big scary goal 

To publish some writing and get paid for it. Wow, I said it and it is out there. I want to write something and get paid for it. Just today I have pitched to join a team of writer for a big website. Eeek!

So, there we go, all of my major goals, I have stated my intent for the year and we shall see how it all goes!